I had an interesting experience in the grocery store this weekend while shopping for bread. As I was poking around the wheat breads…

Cross-eyed Man: Do you like wheat bread?
Me: Um, yeah.

CM: You should try my bread. It comes in two kinds. I make it with… (he goes on to describe the bread further… ) Do you know Natura oil? From Argentina?
Me: Yes (In fact, this is one of Casa Módiga’s products but I have no desire to talk more about vegetable oil). But I like bread with seeds in it.
CM: Oh this has lots of seeds in it, see? Sesame on top and more inside.
Me: Uhhh ok I will try it. (I take some bread and take a few steps towards the milk.)
CM: Where are you from?
Me: The US.
CM: Oh, the US! I want to go there. I think that I could make $10,000 if I could work there for 6 months. Here, you spend everything you earn.
Me: (What?? You’re a BAKER.) OK. Thanks, bye.
CM: Do you have a job for me there?
Me: No I don’t have a job for myself! (Taking more steps away)
CM: Is it hard to find a job there?
Me: For me, no, for you, yes. Bye.

At that point I turn the other way and he finally shuts up. Some people describe people like this as being “friendly” but I find the right word is “creepy”. I wish people would just stop asking me about going to the US- I really have no idea what the immigration laws are or where to find you a job or how to get you a scholarship! Give me a break.

Anyway it’s common for people here to try to sell you their products in the grocery store. I find it insanely annoying. Companies (mine included) hire girls to wear a uniform in the product’s colors (For example Blue and White for frosted flakes) and then whenever a shopper comes along, they tell them about the product, and that it’s on sale or has such-and-such promotion. And then they stare at you after you say no thanks and look for what you really want.

I told my boss about how I hate those girls.  “But how do you know anything about the products?” he asked.

Well, I don’t. I really have no idea what any of the products are, so I find whatever is the closest to what I know. For example, again, cereal. I want Total. There is no Total. I buy whatever has a bunch of vitamins listed on the side and has fiber. See? No awkward conversations or selling pressure necessary!

It took me over 3 months just to find the peanut butter. It’s not by the jelly, it’s by the yogurt. Of course!

Another time, a girl tells me that Brand X dog food is on sale. I think Why are you telling me this! I say “I don’t have a dog.”

The worst though was around Valentine’s Day, when a promoter, holding a box of Valentine chocolate, says “You should give some chocolate to your boyfriend for Valentine’s Day!”

WHAT??? No. That is wrong on several levels.

1.) You assume I have a boyfriend.
2.) You assume my boyfriend likes chocolate… and will not be offended for receiving a “woman’s” present
3.) You assume my boyfriend will not be giving me chocolate for Valentine’s Day. Because it would be so lame if we gave each other the same present.
$.) Wait, wait… isn’t HE supposed to give ME the chocolate?

Most importantly,
4.) You assume I will not eat the chocolates myself before my nonexistent boyfriend receives them as his romantic Valentine present.

Next time, she should just say this.
“You should buy yourself some chocolate!”

SOLD!